THE DIFFERENT TYPE OF PUNTERS
THE LONGSHOT WONDER
This type of punter lives in a dream world and gets cut more times then a deck of cards. Usually expresses curiosity regarding the big odds on offer but operates a life full of frustration due to unrealistic goals. However, in the overall scheme of things, a longshot has only a slim chance of winning. The longshot punter constantly chases the upset and launches everything on the nose of a roughie located at the bottom of the field. Can't comes to grips as to why his horse has a tendency to trail off last and contribute minimally most of the time. Consistently disappointed, yet repulsed by the notion of selecting the favourite, therefore they persist regardless. Occasionally achieves a significant victory with a high-priced winner every six months or so, and never stops banging on about it. Usually leaves the track early, broke.
THE EXCUSE MERCHANT
No matter what horse they back, if it loses it is never their fault for backing it. Likes to tell you they WOULD of won, IF their horse hadn't been blocked for a run, or the jockey had some clue on how to ride a racehorse. Landed on the wrong side of the track, was bumped, held up at the worst possible time - every single time they'll find a defense and let all know about it. Will hold just about anyone accountable to find an excuse - jockey, trainers, clerk of the course, kid that dropped a lolly wrapper near the fence. Requests an enquiry at the first sign of defeat. Unable to accept responsibility for non-performance and will blame any external factor that seems feasible. Loves a nodder who agrees with everything they say, as they will always find a way to rationalise their bad decisions when they fail. Tends to stomp around in a glow of brilliance looking for recognition when they land a short-priced favourite in a ‘told you so’ moment. Usually an emotional wreck by the end of the racing day and a pretty annoying individual to be around.
THE TIPSTER
This person claims to know every owner, jockey, trainer - pretty much every single sole associated with horse racing. Will tip you into a 'moral' and state, "put the house on it", but it ends up finishing mid pack - and funnily enough they're totally inconspicuous after the race. Acts like they knows a thing or two and always has the inside dirt on a "special" in the last. Claims to know someones uncle that owns the steam, off the shit, off the end off the horses tail, and HE SAID it would win hands down by five lengths - ends up running last by five lengths. This person is a non-stop talker and will constantly try to tell you how much they won and why they always win, or are "still in profit." Frequently found in the bar or TAB, this individual engages in animated conversations with any set of ears, confidently asserting their ability to accurately predict the outcome of the upcoming event. Easily frustrated the minute they lose. Loves to use the terms, 'get on' and 'a good thing'. Well worth avoiding at all costs.
THE CYNIC
Maintains an unhealthy skepticism and seeks deeper explanations for setbacks, believing that there may be underlying factors contributing to the failure of their horse. The jockey appeared to lack motivation or intentionally held back the horse, possibly due to the trainer's strategy of preserving it's energy for a future race. Typically distrustful, and usually views all participants in racing with equal suspicion of corruption. Believes there must be additional, undisclosed motives at play - someone knows something. They will maintain a skeptical stance while simultaneously deriving amusement from the failures of their peers.
THE PROFESSOR
Professor or deranged madman, this individual has all the facts, figures and stats and will tell you so. Despite lacking formal education in maths beyond high school, they believe they possess the intellectual capacity and expertise to develop a comprehensive range of racing formulas to rival the work of Einstein. This is the person who looks at every horse and race with a magnifying glass and a calculator in hand. The Professor does not subscribe to the notions of luck or chance. In their mind, betting is a complex system of formulas and equations. Will provide you with a detailed explanation of their successful betting strategy, but state it requires a high level of expertise and understanding that may be beyond the comprehension of the average individual. Uses the pen and paper to write down his coded system that looks like hieroglyphics crossed with chicken scratch. Often left confused like their brain will explode when failing.
THE SCREAMER
Enthusiastically supports his horse during races, even when its chances of finishing in the top half seem slim. With the respiratory system of a deep-sea diver, this individual undergoes a remarkable transformation in vocal pitch, transitioning from a tenor range to a soprano, mirroring the emotional journey experienced during the race. Repeats the horses name thirty times in the last 100m, yells at the jockey to draw the whip while banging his racebook on his rump like a psycho. Often has a dead look of disappointment as his horse runs 5th. Prone to exploding. Quite partial to swearing loudly at any loss, tearing up tickets then storming off to the bar in disgust, or rage betting straight into the next event, even if that next race is at Fannie Bay in Darwin. Everything that they bet on sends them into a red mist, uncontrollable rage if it fails to run well. These people were likely the class bully and are probably best off in a straight jacket.
THE NEWBIE
With a keen sense of adventure, eyes wide open and a discerning nose, the novice will often approach a seasoned gambler to inquire about the intricacies of wagering. Will comment about the bad smell when at the races, gagging if a galloper drops a load in front of them, and will point out a horse having a pee. Embracing the risk, they place a $10 wager on an unfancied horse, sometimes resulting in a remarkable if not jammy triumph. A look of surprise and wonderment is common when landing a flukish win. Uses zero logic, mainly colours and lucky numbers because all horses have four legs and pretty much look the same. Will land a winner using beginners luck, then claim it was only because the jockeys colours were similar to a dress Sandra from accounts was wearing on Friday. Struggles to understand pretty much everything around them and what is happening, but typically harmless creatures.
THE MELBOURNE CUP PUNTER
The infrequent, once a year gambler participates in the annual 'Great Race' event in November and occasionally enters company sweepstakes without prior knowledge of the participants. Frequently inquires about the race time and expresses enthusiasm for a 50/1 longshot due to the horses amusing name. Will place a $1 each-way wager on three horses and playfully suggest that one of them will be the winner. After partaking in a substantial amount of alcoholic beverages, this person may engage in impulsive and potentially risky behaviour, such as making a significant financial investment on the nose. Occasionally, one may derive a sense of accomplishment upon the successful execution of a return on a place bet, regarding it as a moment of personal triumph. When they lose, they tend to dismiss it as a natural part of the sport and state "it's a mugs game anyway.” Quickly moves on, only to revisit their interest during next year's Cup.
THE PRO
Just wants the latest racing annual for Christmas and will spend all day studying the form for Boxing Day while the kids bounce off the walls amped up on sugar and mum is prepping Xmas dinner. Locks themself away on raceday and will watch every comment on every race from the minute the coverage starts. Jumps online the second the fields are released and weighs up every tiny detail searching for the winner, tracking the odds and price fluctuations with vigor. Loves to spot a strong trialist or pin down some dominant trackwork star. Considers Melbourne Cup Day as the holiest day of the year. Strangely calm win or lose with a lack of natural emotions, the Pro loves to tip in a good priced winner. Follows every metrological aspect, wind, rain, hail, chance of tornados. Often has complete control over the time, money and energy they spend on gambling. Hates the bookies and looks to smash them at every opportunity. Actually this sounds alot like a few our team....